妈妈 Mom.
妈妈 转身 Mom, turn around!
妈妈 转身 你上了《玩转隐蔽摄像头》 Mom, turn around! You're on Totally Hidden Video!
打个招呼 尖叫 Say hi. Scream!
我们的房子里人满为患 我们能再打给你吗？好的 We've got a house full of company. Can we call you back Okay.
喂 你叫什么名字 先生？ Hello. What's your name, sir
“你上了《隐蔽摄像头》” "You're on Candid Camera."
看橱柜后面角落里 那个小小的隐蔽摄像头 Look at that little camera hidden in that corner behind the cabinet.
-你现在是不是太近了？ -是的 那是摄像头 - Aren't you too close right now - Yes, that's a camera.
-我的图像不清晰 瑞秋 -尖叫 - I'm not focused, Rachel. - Scream.
-五罐水？天哪 -五罐水 -Five cans of water! Holy-moly! -Five cans of water.
瑞秋 这卷录像带会很无趣的 Rachel, this is gonna be such a boring tape,
看有人往水壶里倒了五罐水 watching somebody put five cans of water in a pitcher.
好了 妈妈、爸爸 你们可以自我介绍一下吗？ Okay, Mom, Dad, can you introduce yourselves
-你先来 -好的 - You start. - Okay.
我是凯伦梅森 So, I'm Karen Mason.
我是巴瑞梅森 I'm Barry Mason.
从1982年起 我们就是“书之马戏团”的业主了 And we own Circus of Books, since 1982,
所以是33年前的事了 so 33 years ago.
无论做什么 这都是很长的一段时间 Which is a long time to do anything.
可以说说“书之马戏团”是什么吗？ Can you say what the Circus of Books is
（瑞秋梅森 凯伦和巴瑞的女儿）
好了 乔许 你能给我描述一下我们家吗？ All right. So, Josh, can you describe our family for me
比如妈妈和爸爸是什么样的人？ Like, what are Mom and Dad like
我觉得我们家… I think our family...
我们家有一定程度的传统性 我觉得 There's a level of conventionality in our family. I think, um...
我们是一个关系亲密的普通家庭 we're a normal, tight-knit family.
我只是想把我们都拍进来 I just mean to take us.
嘿 迈卡 别这样迈卡 拜托 Hey, Micah, stop it. Micah! Come on.
我们致力于追求完美的家庭形象 We were striving for the perfect family look.
迈卡 你动了 Micah, you moved.
妈妈绝对是家里的权威 Mom, she's definitely the alpha woman
但心地依然很善良 but still quite soft around the edges.
哦 光明节…快来点燃烛台 Oh, Hanukkah Come light the menorah
再来一次 Do it again.
她意志坚强 She is strong-willed,
会拼命追求自己想要的东西 and she goes for what she wants with force.
你怎样形容爸爸？ How would you describe Dad
不要撞到栏杆上 Don't bang into the bars.
天生就快乐的人很少 爸爸便是其中之一 Dad is one of the few people whose default state is happiness.
他是个快乐的人 He's just kind of a happy guy.
这里面的红灯是什么意思？ What does the red light in this thing mean
-爸爸 我可以进来这里吗？ -可以 - Daddy, can I go in here - Yeah.
爸爸 Daddy!
每当他在商场里走失的时候 The description is always,
对他的描述总是 "Look for the bald guy with a smile on his face,"
“寻找一个面带微笑的秃头男人” whenever he was lost in a shopping mall.
他们绝对是优秀的红白脸组合 It was definitely a good cop/bad cop duo.
我在这里 这… You know, here I was, this, uh...
我绝不会称自己为“足球妈妈” I would never call myself a soccer mom,
但我绝对是有三个孩子的职场妈妈 but I was certainly a working mother with three children.
我们根本不希望 他们知道我们所做的事情 We didn't want them to know what we did at all,
因为我们认为 别人可能会不喜欢跟他们玩 because we thought maybe people wouldn't, like, play with them.
我觉得这个皮纳塔很难打破 I think that's a very tough piata.
我们从未谈及此事 We never talked about it.
大家都知道家庭就是这么运作的 It was just known that's how the family worked.
在家里不谈论家族生意 You don't talk about family business in the family.
如果有人问我们父母是做什么的 If anyone asked us what our parents did,
正式的回答就是“开书店” the official answer was, "Run a bookstore."
“我们有一家书店” "We own a bookstore."
这样跟人说才行 That's what you tell people.
我们有时不得不去书店 There were times we had to get to the store,
因为妈妈开车送我们回家 需要顺路去看看 'cause Mom was driving us home and needed to stop by.
我们严格遵照指示 在经过书店特定区域时 We were under strict instructions to stare down at the ground
全程只能盯着地面 the entire time we were passing through certain areas of the store.
“别四处看 看地板” "Don't look around. Look at the floor."
但很显然 But obviously...
目光游离 you know, wandering eyes.
有一次 我在妈妈的车后面 发现一卷家用录像机的录像带 There was one time I found a VHS tape in the back of Mom's car,
我把它拿走藏了起来 等了几个月 and I grabbed it, and hid it, and waited for months.
大家终于出门了 Finally, everybody was out of the house,
我跑到自己的藏匿地点 拿出这卷录像带 and I run to my hiding place, and I pull out this tape...
结果它是Beta格式的 我无法观看 and it turns out it was a Beta, and I couldn't watch it.
（书之马戏团）
所以“书之马戏团”是一家书店 So, Circus of Books is a bookstore
经营铁杆同性恋和成人生意 and a hardcore gay, adult business.
（须年满18岁才能进入）
（非小说类同性恋作品）
我以前总看到“书之马戏团” I would always see Circus of Books,
我以为它只是一家 and I thought it was just... a bookstore...
以马戏团为主题的书店 with a circus theme.
我走进去后意识到 And I went in and realized
它远远不止是一家普通的书店 that it was so much more than just a regular bookstore.
（执行制作人）
有一个区域完全是色情产品 It had this whole section that was just, like, porn,
色情 你知道的 P-O-R-N, you know.
很不错 It was great.
为美国所有的性变态者 提供丰富多彩的性爱作品 A purveyor of gourmet sexual material for every pervert in America,
“书之马戏团”因此声名鹊起 that was Circus bookstore's claim to fame.
这让所有这些男人 都能自由自在地探索自己的性取向 It made all these men comfortable exploring their own sexuality.
“书之马戏团”是一个安全之所 可以在这里找到其他的同性恋者 Circus of Books was a safe place to find other gays.
有人在书架之间游走 寻觅随意的性伴侣 There was cruising going on in the book stacks.
它是那一带同性恋宇宙的中心 It was the center of the gay universe in that neighborhood.
（西好莱坞）
《镇上二人行》的一个固定环节 A regular feature here on 2 on the Town is to take a look
就是参观南加州一些 大名鼎鼎和臭名昭著的街道 at some of the famous and infamous streets of Southern California.
今晚 卢劳伦将带领我们 And tonight, Lou Lauren takes us along with him
前往圣莫尼卡大道 to Santa Monica Boulevard.
这是圣莫尼卡大道 为大部分外人所熟知的一面 This is the face of Santa Monica Boulevard that is familiar to most outsiders.
但这条大道也有它私密的一面 But the street also has a private side,
只有当外人意识到 他们在这里看到的所有人 perceived by outsiders only if it dawns on them
几乎都是男性时 他们才会察觉到这一点 that almost all of the people they see here are men.
我搬到洛杉矶的第一年 In the first year I moved to Los Angeles,
我发现了一个很有包容性的地方 I found a place that was accepting.
西好莱坞基本都是 非常年轻的同性恋人士 West Hollywood was mainly very young, gay people,
它被称作“男孩镇” and it was called Boystown.
当时 你要是出柜 就是非法人士 Back then, if you were out, you were an outlaw,
你做的事情异乎寻常 知道吗？ and you did outlandish things, you know
敲脚趾、寻觅性伴侣 That whole, like, toe-tapping, and cruising,
还有手帕准则和同性恋旗帜 and like, bandannas and flagging...
人们不会说：“或许我最好该去角落 People don't say, "Well, maybe I'd better get into a corner.
我的老板可能会在这里看到我”？ My boss might see me here"
不会…我觉得这里有同性恋自由 完全不会有问题 No, no, I think gay liberation is here, and there's no problem at all.
我叫阿列克谢罗曼诺夫 My name is Alexei Romanoff,
我碰巧是黑猫酒馆示威活动中 and I happen to be one of the last people who are still alive
幸存下来的最后几个人之一 from the demonstration at the Black Cat.
在1966年新年前夜 On New Year's Eve, 1966,
警察突袭了两家酒吧 there were police raids on two of the bars.
午夜才刚过 Two or three seconds after midnight,
黑猫酒馆播放《友谊地久天长》 这首歌之后 after the song "Auld Lang Syne" was playing at the Black Cat,
警察就开始抓接吻的人 the police started to arrest people who were kissing.
他们很害怕 They were afraid,
因为如果他们被人发现是同性恋 就会失去工作 because if they got outed, they could lose their job,
失去家 lose their homes.
那次事件引发了 反对警察暴行的示威活动 From that incident, came demonstrations against police brutality
示威活动就发生在洛杉矶 最古老的同性恋酒吧 outside of the oldest gay bars in Los Angeles,
“黑猫”和“新面孔”外面 the Black Cat and the New Faces.
那是当时国内规模最大的示威活动 It was the largest demonstration in the country at the time,
发生在石墙暴动的两年半之前 and it was two and a half years before Stonewall.
“新面孔”变成了“书之马戏团” The New Faces became the Circus of Books.
那家书店真的非常重要 That bookstore was really important,
因为其中的文学作品 与我们的生活息息相关 because there was literature in them that had to do with our lives.
我是说因为人们觉得我们恶心 I mean, we were the unspoken, hidden people
所以从来不谈论 我们这群偷偷摸摸的人 that you never talked about because they were disgusting.
我甚至无法解释这有多么不同 I can't even explain how different it was.
总得来说 身为同性恋者是无法言说的 To be a homo was unspeakable, basically.
在同性恋群体中 色情作品一直占有一席之地 Porn has always had a place in the gay community,
因为我们没见过那样的东西 because, you know, we didn't see anything like that.
要看到男人赤身裸体、面色无惧地… To see men, you know, naked and unafraid...
这让我们非常骄傲 that gave us a lot of pride.
“书之马戏团”让我第一次 看到一个事实 Circus of Books was my first glimpse
那就是身为同性恋者 我不是孤家寡人 into the fact that I wasn't alone as a gay person.
在当时 身为同性恋者并非易事 Being gay back then was not easy,
这家书店 and this bookstore, you know,
让我安全 让我远离伤害 it kept me safe. It kept me out of harm's way.
今天的销售情况如何？ How are the sales today
冷冷清清的 They're on the slow side.
然后有所上升 Then up.
和平常一样 对吗？ Like every day, huh
看来有些家用录像带 已经卖出去了 对吗？ Oh, looks like some of the VHS might have sold, huh
-是的 -是吗？ - Yeah. - Did it
-是 -卖了少许 是的 - Yep. - Somewhat, yeah.
我是说 我今天早上看到这个 So, I mean, I just see this this morning.
有人带来了异性恋家用录像机录像带 这些带子的状况非常好 Somebody brought in straight VHS tapes, and these are in really good condition.
我不知道谁会买 异性恋家用录像机录像带 I don't know who's gonna buy the straight VHS tapes,
但我们一分钱也没花 but we didn't pay anything.
我们用售价为一美元的书籍换来的 We traded for books that we sell for a dollar.
这些是药丸 这些叫阴茎环 These are pills. These are called cock rings.
这个怎么会在那里？ Why is this going over there
我不知道这个怎么会在那里 I don't know why this is going over there.
好的 All right.
我们收到报告 说这里有老鼠 We got a report of a rat.
今早有个员工碰巧在这后面 看到了老鼠 So one of the employees this morning happened to see it
那里没有食物 但我们要把它抓住 way back here where there is no food, but we just want to catch it
以免它跑到前面去吃我们的零食 before he decides to go up front and grab some of our snacks.
我们的大多数商品在书店前面 Well, the front of the store has our most merchandise.
《手淫》这份杂志的出版商 停止发行了 So this guy here, Handjobs magazine, just stopped publishing.
现在他养殖有机鸡 Now, he does organic chicken farming.
所以我找他下单时 只会获得有关他的小鸡的资讯 So when I order from him, we catch up on his chickens.
好的 这是我们的成人区域 Okay, so this is our adult section.
很有名 Famous.
这是我们最棒的区域之一 So, this is one of our best sections of all.
这叫做“之前看过” This is called "Previously Viewed,"
这些是 and these are...
铁杆同性恋DVD hardcore gay DVDs
是顾客这些年来从我们这里购买的 that customers bought from us over the years.
我不知道这是不是真的很好 I don't know that this is one of the really good ones.
有一段时间 我们只是在做买一送一的促销活动 For a while, we were just doing buy-one-get-one-free with this sale.
这是卡尔斯坦连恩导演的 《一丝不挂的粗野》 It's called Nude and Rude, directed by Carl Stanyon.
但即使卖3.95美元 But even at $3.95,
也卖得很慢 they're not flying off the shelves.
有些日子 我去上班 Some days, I go to work,
感觉自己只是在做些无用功 and I feel like I'm just moving the deckchairs on the Titanic.
我把七美元的电影降价到三美元 I take a seven-dollar movie and reduce it to three dollars,
把它从墙的这边转移到墙的那边 and I move it from this side of the wall to that side of the wall.
我们的生意陈旧、不景气 We're just an aging, ailing business.
她最开始当记者 She set off to be a journalist,
所以没有从事别的行业 so she did not set off to go chart a different course.
但我想是境遇让她改变了职业轨道 But I guess circumstances changed her from that path.
但如果你看妈妈早期的报道 But if you look at Mom's early reporting,
她采访过拉瑞弗莱恩特 写过书店里的淫秽制品突袭事件 she interviewed Larry Flynt. She wrote about smut raids in bookstores.
-真的吗？ -是的 - Really - Yes.
-那是她早期的报道？ -是的 - That was her early reporting - Yes.
我不知道 I had no idea.
我也是看了她的文章之后才知道 Me neither until I found her articles.
这是我们… Oh, this was our little, um...
在代顿的几位员工 staff in Dayton.
哇 你当时穿得真性感 Whoa! You dressed kind of sexy actually.
嗯 是的 我的身材很不错 你看 Yeah, I did. I had a nice figure. Look at that.
什么？ What
-嗯 -什么？ - Yeah. - What
看 但瑞秋 你打算怎么处理这些东西？ See, but, Rachel, what are you gonna do with stuff like this
我是说 这只是 我碰巧参与过的一些东西 I mean, this is just stuff that I happened to be involved in.
好吧 你不是制作纪录片的人 Okay, well, you're not somebody that makes documentaries.
这个嘛 你也不是 Well, neither are you.
如果你想把它拿去做拼贴或… Well, if you want to take it and make a collage or...
妈 我不知道怎么处理它 Mom, I don't know what I'm gonna do with it.
别再批判每一个潜在的小转折了 Just stop criticizing every little possible turn of events.
我想找到弗莱恩特的那篇文章 I want to find that Flynt article.
看这个 Oh, look at this.
“淫秽制品突袭事件中 六人被捕” "Six arrested in smut raids."
所以这可能是… Oh...So, this could be...
“周五 有六名男子 被指控在辛辛那提市中心的 "The judicial system moved with unusual speed Friday
成人书店内售卖淫秽制品 他们的案子让司法机构 in the cases of six men charged with selling obscene material
以罕见的速度办理此案” in downtown Cincinnati adult book stores."
凯伦和我是在高中认识的 Karen and I met in high school.
她很开朗 充满好奇心 She was outgoing, inquisitive,
对一切事物都感兴趣 interested in everything.
凯伦一直想当记者 Karen always wanted to be a reporter.
我第一份真正的报社工作 是在芝加哥的《华尔街日报》 My first real newspaper job was at the Wall Street Journal in Chicago.
后来我被《辛辛那提调查报》录用 And then I got hired at the Cincinnati Enquirer.
编辑已经到了 The editor has arrived.
一个典型的报社工作日开始了 It's a start of a typical work day at the newspaper.
我专攻刑事司法 I specialized in criminal justice.
我的专题项目是采访 My special project was to interview
一个名叫波特斯图尔特的 最高法院法官 a Supreme Court Justice named Potter Stewart,
他对淫秽的判断让他声名鹊起 他在其中说到 who's particularly well-known for his obscenity decision, which said,
“我无法真的描述淫秽 但当我看到时就知道了” "I can't really describe obscenity, but I know it when I see it."
我因为一部讲述好色客酒吧的剧集 采访了拉瑞弗莱恩特 I interviewed Larry Flynt for a series on these Hustler bars.
我不太可能参与其中 I'm a very unlikely person to be in this,
因为如果我12岁时没离家出走 because if I hadn't have ran away from home when I was 12 years old,
（拉瑞弗莱恩特 《好色客》杂志出版商）
我只会一味地重复过去 I'd still be looking a mule up the ass.
很显然 他有一个很宏大的设想 It was clear that he had a pretty big concept,
看来他会非常成功 and it looked like he was gonna be pretty successful.
在那张照片里 你在一辆车的周围 看来看去 发生什么事了？ What was happening in that picture where you are looking around a car
房子里有一个人 There was somebody in a house,
他们试图把他弄出来 and they were trying to get him out,
我觉得有人开枪了 and I think shots were fired.
她总是想要更刺激的故事 She always wanted more exciting stories.
她喜欢困难的事情 She likes things to be hard.
我从未想过自己对新闻的热情会燃尽 I never expected to be burned out of journalism,
但一个好的报刊故事 往往是某个人的悲剧 but a good newspaper story is very often somebody's tragedy.
（四名妇女被屠杀）
我报道过飞机失事 报道过谋杀案 I covered plane crashes. I covered murders.
我报道过车祸 I covered car accidents.
在某一时刻 你要么会非常厌倦 At some point, you either get very jaded,
要么会说：“够了” or you say, "That's enough."
我来洛杉矶看望我的父母 I came out to LA to visit my parents,
想着要去阿拉斯加当一名自由撰稿人 thinking I was gonna go to Alaska and be a freelance writer.
我从未去过阿拉斯加 I never went to Alaska,
也从未做过自由新闻工作者 and I never did anything with freelance journalism.
你们是那时候认识的吗？ And is that when you met
我们是在伍德兰希尔斯的 一个犹太单身派对上认识的 We met at a Jewish singles party in Woodland Hills.
当时天很黑 我不知道为什么那么晚才开始 It was pretty dark. I don't know why it started so late.
当我到达派对现场时 As I got to the party,
有一些女人离开了 她们说：“这个派对糟透了 there were some women leaving, and they said, "This is terrible party.
你为何不跟我们一起走？” Why don't you come with us"
我说：“这个嘛 我一路开车过来 我想我要待一会儿” I said, "Well, I drove all this way. I think I'll stay for a bit."
我只是碰巧注意到了烟头的亮光 I just happened to notice the light from the end of a cigarette.
我说：“那里好像有个女孩” I said, "That looks like it might be a girl up there."
他向我走过来 我们就开始谈话 He came over to me, and we just started talking.
那场谈话很有趣 It was a very interesting conversation.
从头到尾 我都看不到她 The whole time, I couldn't see her.
我是说 我看不到她的脸当时太暗了 I mean, I couldn't see her face. It was so dark.
他建议我们去喝咖啡 He suggested we go for coffee.
当她走进来的时候 我第一次看到她 When she walked in, that's first time I saw her.
我觉得她很好看 She looked fine to me.
从那时起 我们就总是出去玩 And then, from then on, we just went out all the time.
他有一辆摩托车 He had a motorcycle.
妈妈对它并不热衷 Mother wasn't crazy about that.
我们七个月后就结婚了 And we got married in seven months.
我有一条蓝色裙子 I had a blue dress.
我们花五美元给他买了一件外套 He had a jacket that we paid five dollars for.
-那是打折品 -是的 - It was on sale. - Yeah.
上面有很多条纹 彩色条纹 A lot of stripes, colored stripes.
我记得她说过他是个天才 I remember she said he's this kind of genius,
发明小玩意 inventing gizmos.
我最初在加州大学洛杉矶分校 念电影系 I started in UCLA's Motion Picture Department.
吉姆莫里森和他的朋友雷曼萨雷克 Jim Morrison and his friend Ray Manzarek,
他们俩一起玩 those two hung around together.
既然我们都来自同一个系 And since we were all in the same department,
我们一起拍电影 we shot movies together.
但发生什么事了？ But what happened
为什么我的父母、州或大学 没有向前看？ How come my parents, or the state, or the university didn't look ahead
我第一份在电影领域的工作 是和林伍德邓恩共事 I got my first job in the movies with Linwood Dunn.
我第一次和他共事的时候 When I first got to work with him,
我们刚做完 《2001太空漫游》的特效 we were just finishing up special effects for 2001: A Space Odyssey.
打灯光 我说了“打灯光” 先生 Light it up. Okay, lights up, gentlemen.
然后《星际迷航》开始了 那部电影我们做了三年 And then Star Trek came along, and we did that for three years.
他们使用了这些光学打印机 They used these optical printers.
这在制作特效时很常见 That was a very common thing in special effects.
因为我非常了解颜色和光 And since I knew a lot about color and light,
就发明了一个透析机配件 I invented an accessory for dialysis machines.
我们必须倒回去 说他的父亲是一名肾病患者 We have to back up and say his father was a kidney patient.
好吧 所以我为他发明东西 后来… Okay. So, I invented things for him and then...
你必须说是为什么 在那个时候 Well, you have to say why. In those days,
巴瑞练习让他爸爸的血液 通过那台机器 Barry trained running his father's blood through the machine.
他回家的第一个晚上 一条管子破了 他可能会死掉 The first night he was home, a tube broke, and he could have died.
嗯 他可能会死掉 Yeah, he could have died.
我说：“我必须做一个小探测器 I said, "There's no reason I can't make a little detector
当管子变成红色 而不是白色的时候 可以探测到” that would detect when the tubing turned red instead of white."
因此我想出了一个办法 And so I... figured out a way to do that.
所以你就是把你的特效科技技能 So you actually just applied your special effects technology skills
应用到了医疗设备上 to medical devices,
而你对此毫无经验？ and you had no experience with that
是的 Yeah.
那个训练我的技术员给我打电话说 The technician who had trained me calls me, and he says,
“嘿 巴瑞 你得辞掉你的工作 "Hey, Barry, you gotta quit your job.
你的东西很有效果 Your thing works so good
我出去 把它拿去 that I went out, and I showed it to a company
给一家制造人工肾脏机的公司看 who makes actual kidney machines,
他们要订购325台” and they're gonna order 325 of these."
作为透析设备的发明者 我们过着非常简朴的生活 We made a very modest living as an inventor of dialysis equipment.
但后来医疗事故保险 上涨了3.5万美元 But then malpractice insurance went up $35,000.
那时候 我差不多就赚这么多钱 Well, at that time, that's about what I was making.
那些医生说 These doctors, they said,
“如果你无法负担保险 我们就退出” "Well, if you can't afford the insurance, we're out."
我们的处境一点也不好 We were not in a good place at all.
我们正在组建家庭 需要想办法谋生 We were starting a family and needed to make a living somehow.
社会的基本单位 The basic unit of society
是家庭 is the family.
（西蒙雷斯 县检察官-俄亥俄州）
如果你摧毁家庭 And if you destroy that,
就会摧毁社会 you destroy society.
我坚信色情、淫秽 And I'm firmly convinced that pornography, obscenity
会攻击家庭 attacks the family.
我很久之前就决定了 如果你想成为一只熊 就做一只灰熊 I decided a long time ago. If you're gonna be a bear, be a grizzly.
我不会为了他和美国其他检察官 I'm not rolling over and playing dead
放弃抵抗 也不会装死 for him or any other prosecutor in America,
因为这个国家不仅属于他们 也属于我 because this country belongs to me as much as it belongs to them.
在七、八十年代的大部分时间里 I spent most of the '70s and '80s
我都在解决全国的审查制度问题 putting out censorship fires all over the country.
-嗨 见到你真好 -你好吗？ - Hi. It's so good to see you. - How you doing
你在《洛杉矶时报》上登广告 寻找小型经销商 You put out an ad in the L.A. Times looking for small distributors.
这个嘛 因为经销商大佬们 Well, because the establishment distributors
都不愿意发行这份杂志 would not distribute the magazine.
所以我直接找了许多书店 和二级经销商 So I went direct to a lot of bookstores and secondary distributors.
在我们卖掉这些机器的所有权 的第二天 The very day after I sold all our rights to these machines,
凯伦走进来 我还没醒 Karen came in. I hadn't woke up yet.
她给我看了拉瑞弗莱恩特的整页广告 And she shows me a full-page ad from Larry Flynt
广告上说他要找经销商 that says he's looking for distributors.
他可以做这件事 因为我们没有… It was just something else he could do, because we didn't...
他真的没有事情可做 He didn't... have anything to do really.
我睡得很晚 Yeah, I was... I was sleeping late, you see,
因为我那天早上无事可做 'cause I didn't have anything to do that morning...
直到她拿着广告把我叫醒 until she woke me up with the ad.
我跟一个女人谈了 她说 I spoke to a woman, and she said,
“您只需向我们订购2500本杂志” "You just need to send us an order for 2,500 magazines,"
只要我们有卡车 他们就会让我们做经销商 and they would put us on as a distributor as long as we had a truck.
所以我说我有卡车 And so, I said, yeah, I had a truck.
我当然没有卡车 但我可以租一辆 Of course, I didn't, but I could rent a truck.
你没有不赚钱谋生的奢侈 You don't have the luxury of not earning a living.
你必须搞清楚自己要做什么 You have to figure out what you're gonna do.
巴瑞把我们的小旅行车 开到这一带的酒品店 Barry took our little station wagon out to the liquor stores in our area.
我会说：“如果你不能 从一般经销商那里得到它 I would say, "If you can't get it from your regular distributor,
为何不找我买？” would you buy it from me"
一天下来 我拿到了2500份订单 And at the end of the day, I had 2,500 orders.
你的父母是这个领域的 Your mom and dad were one of our very first distributors
最早的经销商之一 in this area.
他们逐渐发展壮大 做得很好 And they grew, and they did very well.
我对凯伦说：“这太容易了 I told Karen, "This was so easy.
我为何不看看 能不能找到更多顾客？” Why don't I just see if I can get more customers"
我们赚到了足够多的钱 可以让我们正常运转 We made enough money that we could just function
同时 我们弄清楚了该做什么 while we figured out what we were gonna do.
与此同时 弗林特接管了其他杂志公司 Meanwhile, Flynt took over other magazine companies.
所以我们那时有了几本同性恋杂志 So, now, we had several gay titles.
其中一份是《蓝男孩》 One. We had Blueboy.
《蓝男孩》是最初真正成功的 同性恋刊物之一 Blueboy was one of the first really successful gay publications
而且不是秘密发行的 that was not underground.
他们找不到经销商 They had trouble finding a distributor,
就来找我 and they came to me.
后来他有了其他杂志 《老板》和《男性约会》 Then he got other ones, Honcho and Mandate,
它们都是当时顶级的同性恋杂志 which were all the top gay magazines at the time.
我们有数千种杂志： We had even thousands of titles:
编织杂志、木工、枪支 应有尽有 knitting magazines, woodworking, guns, you name it.
-《纽约书评》 -嗯 都很好 都是好杂志 - New York Review of Books. - Yeah, but fine, good magazines.
我们想努力弄到更好的杂志 We would try and get the better magazines,
-然后他们卖给我们 -“更好”是什么意思？ - and they sold it to us. - What do you mean "better"
-比如《纽约书评》 -不 - Like New York Review of Books. - No.
《纽约书评》从来就卖得不好 The New York Review of Books never sold very well.
《好色客》卖得很好 What sold well was Hustler.
我记得听说过 巴瑞在经销《好色客》杂志 I remember hearing that Barry was distributing Hustler magazine,
而书之马戏团或书本马戏团 就是他的经销渠道 and Circus of Books, or Book Circus, was on his route.
在所有同性恋杂志中 这家书店经销其中600份 The store was taking 600 of all the gay titles.
我是说 光是这些杂志 就能把整辆卡车装满 I mean, I would load the whole truck up just for them.
书本马戏团营收不好 Book Circus was not paying their bills very well.
所以巴瑞看到机会就一把抓住 And so, Barry saw an opportunity and pounced.
当他停止发薪的时候 我碰到了他的经理 When he stopped paying, I ran into his manager.
他说：“他对可卡因严重上瘾 He says, "He's become a terrible cocaine addict,
谁的工资都不付” and he's not paying anybody."
我想到办法 打电话给房东 提出让他支付一半的房租 I got the idea to call the landlord and offer him half the rent.
我们那时才真正开始做事 再也没有问题了 So then, we actually were in business, and there was no more problems,
除了原先的老板 有一天威胁要杀了我 那… other than the old owner threatened to kill me one day, and that was...
但幸好事情并未发生 But that didn't happen fortunately.
书店有个很大的荧光标牌 上面写着“书本马戏团” There was this big, fluorescent sign. It said, "Book Circus,"
我们得为它重新命名 and we had to rename it.
我说：“你知道吗？ 我们可以把那个标牌劈成两半 I said, "You know what We could just cut that sign right in half,
调换字的顺序 只付“之”的钱 然后… and flop the words around, and just pay for "of," and...
我不知道你换了标牌 I didn't know that you switched the sign.
我是说 这有点像我们整个的零售理念 I mean, that's kind of like our whole philosophy of retail.
我们的做法怎么可以这么廉价？ 因为它可能行不通 How can we do this cheap Because it may not work.
我是说 如果你看书店 I mean, if you look at the store,
它现在有点分崩离析了 it's all kind of falling apart now.
《别把香皂弄掉了》 我看看它是怎么说那个的 Don't Drop the Soap. Let me see what it says about that one.
你在找什么？ What are you looking for
我只是在找 I'm just trying to find
不太露骨的东西 something that isn't quite as explicit.
他想要什么？ What does he want
他说他想要一个白人 不要插入 He wants a white man and no penetration, he said.
霍赫 你觉得这些人白吗？ Do these guys look white to you, Jorge
-嗯 他们都是白人 -白人？他们都是白人？ - Yeah, they're white, all of them. - White All of them
好 很好 Okay, good.
好的 那我们拿这一个 Okay, so we'll take this one.
这些人看起来白吗？ Do these guys look white
看 这些箱子全都装满了光盘 See, all these boxes are full of DVDs.
我们把所有标题都列在了这个清单里 We made all the titles in this list here.
-这都是你们做的？ -嗯 送你念大学的钱就是从这里来的 - You guys made all of those - Yeah, those sent you to college.
送我念大学的钱 就是通过这些录像带赚来的？ These are the videos that sent me to college
它们肯定帮到忙了 They certainly helped.
它们大多是哪一年制作的？ What year were most of these made
你不能拍那些肖像授权书 他们会追踪到人的 Oh, you can't photograph those model releases.
妈 我只是在拍名称 Mom, I'm just photographing the title names.
好了 你不能再拍了 瑞秋 Okay, you gotta stop filming, Rachel.
妈 现在吗？ So, now, Mom
那我们现在要去的地方是… So, where we're going now is to this...
它叫成人…成人猎奇制造商展会 成人猎奇和… It's called Adult... ANME, Adult Novelty and...
邂逅什么的展会 成人猎奇制造商展会 对 something Expo. ANME, yeah.
我以后再也不会去那里 这是最后一次 And then I'm not going to this ever again. It's the last time.
为什么？ Why
因为我不喜欢它 Because I don't like it.
她说我们在大厅碰面 但我不知道大厅在哪里 She said we're gonna meet in the lobby, but I don't know where the lobby is.
你可以停一会儿吗？ 好让我把麦克风戴在你身上 Can you just stop for one second, so I can put this mic on you
你不能一直对我吆三喝四的 You can't just keep telling me what I can and can't do.
我经营小生意 I run a little business,
我通常不用向人汇报 and I don't usually have to answer to people.
-艾伦来了 -嘿 艾伦 - Ellen's here. - Oh, hey, Ellen.
我给你带来了一份订单 I brought you an order.
不好意思 Excuse me.
嗯 我来…这个摄影机比上次的大 Yeah, I came... This is a bigger camera than last time.
我不想戳自己的头 I didn't wanna poke myself in the head.
好的 这是一份订单 Okay, this is an order.
-好吗？ -好的 - Okay - Okay.
你这次有什么特别的东西？ What kind of a special do you have this time
-我有非常特别的东西要给你 -好 - I got a big special for you. - Okay.
这个可以除疱疹 消灭疱疹 This gets rid of herpes, destroys herpes.
好的 我们不适合…我们不适合… Okay, we didn't do good with the... We didn't do good...
给我们一直卖的东西就好了 Just give us the stuff we always sell.
新鲜事物不适合我们 We're not doing good with new stuff.
我还有一样大家都喜欢的东西 The other thing that I have that everybody likes,
是润滑剂 肛门润滑剂 it's the lube, is the anal lube.
-哪一个？ -就是这个 - Which one is that - It's this one.
我是说 它真的很好卖 是我们的硅利康 I mean, it's doing really well. It's our silicone.
这是肛门润滑剂 是硅利康 It's anal lube. It's silicone.
里面有丁香 所以会让人觉得有点麻 It's got clove in it, so it's kinda numbing.
所以它不会撕裂… So it's not gonna tear...
-好的 但你有小一点的吗？ -有 - Okay, but do you have a smaller size - Yeah.
-好的 那给我发12个 -它会装在鱼缸里 - Okay, so send me, like, 12. - It comes in a fishbowl.
好 好的 Okay, all right.
-你想要鱼缸？ -是的 - You want a fishbowl - Yeah.
-好的 就加上这个 -我会的 - Okay, so just add that. - I'll do that.
好了 这份订单不错 艾伦 Okay, that's a nice order, Ellen.
我们要从中国订购这些药丸 We're placing an order for those pills from China.
我想你只剩下200个了 I guess you only have 200 left.
我们有很多 我买了很多 我们收到了很多 We got lots. I bought lots. We received a lot.
好的 还是卖得很好吗？ 因为…你好 Okay, is that still selling okay 'Cause, uh... Hello.
-你好吗？ -还好 - How are you - Okay.
-见到你真好 一切还好吗？ -还好 - Good to see you. How's everything - Okay.
是吗？ Yeah
巴瑞还好吗？ How's Barry doing
他很好 嗯 He's good, yeah.
弗兰基怎么了？ What happened to Frankie
-你是洛杉矶“书之马戏团”的人吗？ -是的 - Are you Circus of Books in LA - Yeah.
太好了 我去过你们书店 I've been to your stores.
-你是老板吗？ -是的 - You're the owner - Yeah.
-哇 真不错 -嗯 - Whoa! Good for you! - Yeah.
你好 Hello.
好了 除了好名字 你们还有什么？ All right, so what do you have besides a good name
嗯 这是同性恋用的 对吗？ Yeah, this is gay, right
-不一定？ -不一定 - Or not necessarily - Uh... Not necessarily.
-夹子… -好的 - Clamps... - Okay.
什么都不要跟我解释 只要… Don't explain anything to me. Just, uh...
如果不是同性恋用的 所以我们才没有生意往来 If it's not for gay, then that's the reason we didn't do any business.
你们什么东西卖得好？ What's something that would do well for you
这里 比如这一整面墙上的东西 Here, like this whole wall of stuff.
但我并不是特别喜欢看它 But I don't particularly enjoy looking at it,
所以我不用看就能注意到 so I can notice it without looking at it.
所以这面墙上的东西或许适合我们 So, this wall would probably do well for us,
无论是什么东西 whatever it is.
-就这样 我们现在可以走了吗？ -嗯 - That's it. Now, can we go - Yeah.
我们雇了替原先的老板 经营这家店的人员 We hired the people who ran the store for the old owners,
他们真正教会了我们需要了解的知识 and they really taught us what we needed to know
关于该怎样进货 这是一切的关键 about how to get the merchandise, which was the key to the whole thing.
我是购买安全套、润滑剂 I'm one of the buyers for the condoms, the lubricants,
和一些特价录像带的买家之一 and some of the sale video.
他们基本让我做决定 They pretty much let me decide.
如果我犯了错 没什么大不了 You know, and if I make mistakes, it's no big deal.
凯伦和巴瑞绝对是最好的 Karen and Barry were the absolute best.
他们对我很好 They were so good to me.
在色情商店工作是我一直以来的梦想 It was always my dream to work in a porn store.
我想我是个怪胎 还有点性变态 I'm a weirdo and kind of a pervert, I guess.
在鼎盛时期 这个地方真的是人声鼎沸 The heyday of this place was really, really jammin'.
人们花钱买书、杂志 People spent money on books, magazines, you know,
买他们想要的一切 whatever they wanted to.
我们在一个月内就开业了 Within the month, we opened,
在开业第一天 书店的销售额超过一千美元 and the first day, the store did over $1,000.
在书店的那边 你可以找到杂志 You got your magazines on that side of the store,
在这边 可以找到相当色情的成人杂志 and your real graphic, adult magazines were on this side.
“书之马戏团”后面有一条小巷 叫“凡士林小巷” There was an alley behind Circus of Books called Vaseline Alley.
每一个同性恋者较多的社区 Every community that has a big gay population
都有一条凡士林小巷 has a Vaseline Alley.
那里是同性恋性交的地方 It was a place where gay sex happens.
我在“书之马戏团”后面的小巷里 失去了自己的贞操… I lost my virginity in the alley behind Circus of Books...
…对方是一名正在受训的警察 with a cop in training.
我是说 这是每一个同性恋男生的性幻想 I mean, this was, like, every queer boy's wet dream.
我来这里的第一个晚上 On my first night here,
那个角落里有一个男人… there's this guy in that corner...
这甚至都不在成人区这一边 This is not even on the adult side.
…他脱下了裤子 在抚摸 ...with his pants down, stroking.
我心想：“混蛋 我来这里的第一晚 And I'm like, "Son of a bitch! My first night here,
就发生这种事” and this happens."
（仅限员工）
你可以走回到里屋 You could walk back to the back room,
有一些梯子通向阁楼 and there were some steps to the attic,
然后… and...
我在阁楼里跟人发生性关系了 I had sex in the attic.
不是阁楼里狂热的性爱体验 但… Not full-on sex in the attic, but...
但我从未上去过那里 I've never even been up there.
我甚至不知道它的存在 I didn't even know that existed.
我错过了 哥们 I missed out, man.
你听说过那种事吗？ Did you ever hear about any of that stuff
我听说过 但我觉得不是那么疯狂 You know, I heard about it, but I didn't think they were so crazy.
整个经营有点可笑 The whole operation was a little goofy,
所以一定要是很不可思议的事 so it would have to be something incredible
我才会觉得很疯狂 for me to find it really crazy.
巴瑞走进来的时候 你不会改变 When Barry walked in, you didn't change.
你还会继续看杂志 You still continued reading a magazine.
“嘿 巴瑞 你好吗？” "Hey, Barry, how's it going"
但凯伦走进来时 When Karen walked in, phew,
那本杂志会飞到后面 that magazine flew to the back.
你爸向来是很温和的人 Your dad has always been the very mellow one.
他不是家里的权威 He's not the one that wears the pants in the family.
我不该在镜头前面这么说 I shouldn't say that on camera.
他们不会瞎说 不会胡扯 They were very, like, no-bullshit, no-nonsense.
“如果你从我们这里偷东西 就会被解雇 就这样” "If you steal from us, you will be fired, and that's that."
在80年代 成人用品很贵 In the '80s, adult material was expensive,
在有些地方还是违法的 and it was illegal in some places,
你要是可以卖 就能赚很多钱 and if you could sell it, you could make a lot of money.
一个经理对我们说 A manager said to us,
“你们应该去银湖 开一家'书之马戏团' "You should open a Circus of Books in Silver Lake,
它将成为你们规模最大的店” 结果确实如此 and this will become your biggest store," and it did.
他们没觉得被冒犯 也没觉得愤慨 They're not offended. They're not scandalized.
这是他们的工作 It's their job.
就像推着苹果推车卖苹果一样 It's like they're selling apples at an apple cart.
我觉得我们对于做这件事 没有任何顾虑 I don't think we had any misgivings about doing it.
我们只是觉得这件事会很短暂 We just felt it was gonna be a very temporary thing
直到更实质性的东西 until something came along that was, um...
出现 more substantial.
因为我们是大学毕业生 有自己的事业 Because, I mean, we're college graduates, and we had careers.
这不是任何人都会做的事 That was, like, not anything anyone would do,
我们当然不会告诉所有人 我们在做这件事 and we certainly wouldn't tell anyone we were doing it.
那是什么让你们开始拍成人电影的？ So then what led you to start making the adult movies
往这边一点 好了 嗯 就这样 This way just a tad. There you go. Yeah, that's it.
有人认识一位很著名的 铁杆同性恋电影制作人 Somebody knew a very famous hardcore gay movie producer,
马特斯特灵 Matt Sterling.
他在寻找一位合法的经销商 He was looking for a legitimate distributor
他能够信任对方 who he could trust.
他想出这部新电影 毫无疑问会大受欢迎 And he was coming out with this new movie, which no doubt was gonna be a hit,
因为主演在当时也非常有名… because it was also gonna star that, at that time, very famous...
-杰夫史崔克 -杰夫史崔克 - Jeff Stryker. - Jeff Stryker.
-他已经很有名了 -他非常出名 - Who was already famous. - Who was very famous.
我是说 杰夫史崔克 是同性恋色情片领域的超级巨星 I mean, Jeff Stryker was, like, a superstar of gay porn.
他是最大的影星之一 He was one of the biggest, you know.
没有双关的意思 No pun intended.
你愿意给我想要的一切吗？ Are you willing to give me whatever I want
什么都可以 Anything.
你好 我的名字叫杰夫史崔克… Hello. My name is Jeff Stryker, and...
（杰夫史崔克 成人电影明星）
…我在这里 here I am.
这是杰夫史崔克的人形玩偶 This is the Jeff Stryker action figure.
高约30厘米 生理结构准确 It's 12 inches tall, anatomically correct,
阴茎可以摆造型 and the penis is pose-able.
这就是我胜过肯尼玩偶的地方 That's what I got over... an edge on Ken.
你绝不会指望这些人 在世界范围内发行成人电影 You would never expect these people to be distributing adult movies worldwide,
但他们对此的看法和我一样 but they looked at it the same way I looked at it.
你在创造一个产品 You're creating a product,
它就是供给和需求 and it's the supply and demand.
这只是商业意识 It's just business sense.
它绝对是一个机会 It was strictly an opportunity.
我们开始经营一份生意 So we started a business, um...
制作铁杆同性恋电影 that made hardcore gay... films.
（《宝藏雄风》）
他们制作了《宝藏雄风》 They made Stryker Force,
它很难跟上需求 and it was hard to keep up with the demand.
人们给我们打电话 People were calling us
坚持要我们把录像带寄给他们 and insisting we ship them the tape already.
我说：“我都还没有 无法寄给你们” I said, "I don't even have it yet. I can't ship it to you."
买这个录像带时场面很混乱 It was like a panic to get this tape.
事实上 我们让他来我们店 给录像带签名 In fact, we had him at our store signing the tapes,
顾客排了长长的队 and there's a big line of customers.
巴瑞会拿来一叠又一叠的录像带盒 Barry would bring stack after stack of these boxes,
他们能提供多少 我就会签多少 and I would sign as long as they could supply them.
当别人知道我们在经销的时候 Other people, when they knew we were distributing,
他们会过来跟我们说 “你们愿意经销我们的产品吗？” they would come to us too and say, "Would you do ours"
当然了 我们那时候已经 另外招了一个人卖录像带 Of course, by then, we'd hired another fellow to sell the tapes.
巴瑞和凯伦退居幕后 Barry and Karen were behind the scenes,
他们希望像我这样的人来为他们代言 they wanted somebody like me to be their front man for them.
刚开始的时候 When we first started,
我们可能每六周发行一部电影 we might have been releasing one movie every six weeks.
到了中期 And somewhere in the middle of that,
我们每周发行两部电影 we were releasing two movies a week.
我们过去常说 这就象骑虎难下 It was like riding a tiger, we used to say.
（《铁杆神警》）
很多公司想与他们合作 So many companies wanted to do business with them
因为他们善良、诚实、值得信赖 because they're good, honest, trustworthy people,
在成人产业 and in the adult industry,
那在当时是很少见的 that was a rare bird at the time.
这是我为巴瑞和凯伦做的一个选辑 This is one of the compilations I made for Barry and Karen.
名叫《黄金肛交第二部》 It's called Rimnastics Gold Part 2.
“《10号录像带》经销商揭示了 更热辣的肛交场景 "Video 10 Distributors has uncovered even more hot rimming scenes
以为你呈现《黄金肛交第二部》 to bring you Rimnastics Gold Part 2.
它美妙无比 美轮美奂的肛交” It's more than fantastic. Its rim-tastic."
抱歉 天哪 Sorry. Oh, my God!
我们从未觉得自己进入了色情领域 It never felt like we were getting into pornography.
我们只是开始做不同的生意 We were just getting into a different business
我们只是进入不同的生意 that was related to the business we were already in.
那些电影我们一部都没看过 We never saw any of those movies.
（《硬球》）
我们一度可能是美国最大的 At one point, we were probably the biggest distributor
铁杆同性恋电影经销商 of hardcore gay films in the United States.
这是一个利润丰厚的市场 It was a very lucrative market,
但你真的要冒很大的险 but you really took major chances,
成人电影的任何部分 major chances of imprisonment
有很有可能让你锒铛入狱 in any part of, uh, the adult movies.
（打击资本化色情作品）
尤其在那个时候 成人制品 一个非常两极分化的东西 Adult material, especially at that time,was a pretty polarizing thing.
总有在政治上持保守态度的人 There were always people on the right
他们寻找可以妖魔化的东西 who looked out for things they could demonize.
淫秽出版物对社会有害 Obscene publications are socially harmful.
司法部称色情作品是一个问题 The Department of Justice says that pornography is a problem
渗透到社会各个阶层 that pervades all levels of society.
因此应该由各级政府来解决 Should therefore be solved by all levels of government.
他们的反色情计划 有望获得州政府和地方政府的参与 Their anti-porn plan is expected to involve state and local participation.
这场活动由罗纳德里根的 司法部长米斯来领导 This was led by Meese, the Attorney General for Ronald Reagan.
本届政府 This administration is putting
警告那些提供非法淫秽内容的人 the purveyors of illegal obscenity on notice.
我从来不会随意告诉任何人 我们做了什么 I never felt free to let anybody know what we did.
我觉得你不会在意 但我不想这样 I don't think you would have cared, but I didn't want it.
没错 我只是没说话 因为她不希望我说话 Right, I just didn't talk 'cause she didn't want me to.
她宁愿我不告诉别人 She preferred that I not tell people.
如果你去到某个地方 然后说：“我是'书之马戏团'的老板” If you went somewhere, and you said,"Well, I own Circus of Books,"
人们会对你说 “我觉得这没有任何问题” people would say to you, "Oh, I don't have any problem with that."
所以就像有人在评判你一样 So, it was like you were being judged.
我是说 当别人说他们是老师的时候 你不会走上前去 I mean, you don't go up to somebody when they say they're a teacher
然后说：“我觉得这没什么问题” and say, "I don't have any problem with that."
或者“我是律师” “我觉得这没什么问题” Or, "I'm a lawyer." "I don't have any problem with that"
但他们会对我们说 “我觉得这没什么问题” But they would say that to us. "I don't have any problem with that."
他们可能的确对此有问题 我就有问题 And they probably did have a problem with that. I had a problem with that.
凯伦对整个性暴露作品库存的问题 Karen's problem with the whole sexually-explicit inventory,
我觉得在很大程度上 与她的信仰有关 a lot of it, I think, has to do with her faith.
她在一个保守的家庭中被养大 She was raised in a conservative household.
她喜欢整天在犹太教堂里祷告 She loves to be in synagogue all day praying.
我总是说我们是异族通婚 Well, I always say we're a mixed marriage,
因为我是有宗教信仰的人 而他不是 because I'm the religious person, and he's not.
我觉得他不是很喜欢 任何有宗教有关的东西 He doesn't particularly like anything very spiritual, I don't think.
-非常准确 -嗯 - Pretty accurate. - Yeah.
我们一直归属于一家犹太教堂 We've always belonged to a synagogue.
尽管犹太教堂从来就不知道 我们是做什么的 Although, the synagogues never knew what we were doing.
他非常害怕这种生意 如果曝光 She was very afraid that the business, if it got out,
就会影响这些关系 would impact those relationships.
你觉得我们接受了很多宗教教育或… Do you feel like we had a lot of, like, religious education or...
我觉得这很复杂 So, I feel it was really complicated.
妈妈因为这个 Mom was kind of caught
古板保守的犹太教堂左右为难 between this stuffy, conservative synagogue.
但那是她与生俱来的 But that's what she was born with.
我们在西好莱坞长大 And us growing up in West Hollywood,
它真的没有宗教色彩 也很自由… which is just really secular and liberal...
所以我觉得这是强加给我们的 So, I feel like it was kind of forced on us...
不是用温和的方式 and not in a soft way.
通常情况下 妈妈是自然之力 Mom's usual force of nature,
采用“你得去上主日学校”这种方式 "You are going to Sunday school" kind of way.
去吧 把你的《妥拉》拿出来 你必须恭恭敬敬 Just go ahead. You have the Torah out. You have to be respectful.
来吧 找到你的位置 回到这里 找到你的位置 Now, come on. Find your... Come back here and find your spot.
找到你的位置 But, Mom...Find your spot.
面对巨大的压力 我的反应是保持安静 My reaction to a lot of the pressure was to be quiet.
我知道你经常和妈妈吵架 I know you fought with Mom a lot
因为你不会按她的意思穿衣服 'cause you wouldn't dress the way she wanted you to.
绝对是随心所欲 Definitely did your own thing.
我猜乔许的反应是 But I'm guessing Josh's reaction was,
“好吧 我做我会做的事情 我要做到尽善尽美” "Fine, I'm doing what I'm gonna do, and I'm gonna do it perfect."
我想我在很大程度上 遗传了妈妈对完美的追求 I think I absorbed the most of Mom's ambition towards perfection.
我总是希望给他们积极的形象 I was always looking to give a positive image to them,
给所有其他人积极的形象 to everyone else.
用力 快踢 Use your power! Kick the thing!
乔舒亚 散开 好的 Just spread out, Joshua. All right!
抢球 Get the ball!
我想做到完美 I wanted to be perfect.
你记得你小时候写这本书吗？ Do you remember writing this book when you were a kid
记得 Don't remember it.
这本书叫《男孩》 乔舒亚梅森著 It's called Boy by Joshua Mason.
“将来 我的家庭将由我美丽的妻子 "In the future, my family would consist of my beautiful wife,
我和我的三个孩子组成 me, and my three kids.
我将生活在一个很接近天堂的世界里 那将是不真实的” I would live in a world so close to heaven it would be unreal."
天哪 Oh, my God!
我清楚地记得 “同性恋”是个不好的词 I distinctly remember "gay" being a bad word.
它是一个用来形容坏事的词语 It was one of those words that you used about bad things.
我清楚意识到这是错的 I definitely perceived that it was wrong.
好了 All right.
她店里的钥匙 Keys for her store.
汤姆今天要再拉100个 Tom's gonna pull another 100 today.
整个周末 And over the weekend.
这个曾经要大十倍 This used to be ten times more than this.
我知道 现在似乎没什么了 I know. It seems like it's hardly any now.
就这样 还有很多 That's it. There's still a lot,
但已经不像以前那么多了 but it's not nearly as much as it used to be.
嗯 这些电影里的人你认识很多吗？ Yeah. Did you know many of the people in these films
我认识一些比较有名的 Uh, I know some of the more famous ones.
马特斯特灵在当时非常出名 The Matt Sterling one, that was a very famous one,
还有杰夫史崔克 他非常有名 and Jeff Stryker, he was a very famous guy.
-马特斯特灵到底怎么了？ -死了 他死了 - What happened to Matt Sterling - Died. He died.
嗯 我认识其中很多影片的制作人 Yeah, I know a lot of the producers of them.
你觉得这些电影中 How many people would you think died
有多少人死了？ in, like, a lot of these movies
很多 当艾滋病流行的时候 当时他们很多人都死了 A lot. When AIDS was going around, a lot of them died then.
他们中大多数人多大了？ 他们的平均年龄是多少？ How old were a lot of them Like, what would the average age be
大概二、三十岁 In their 20s and 30s maybe.
那些人是我在安养院看到的 Those would be the ones I would see in the hospice,
我认识的那些人或… those guys I knew or...
但很多人没有去安养院 我甚至都不知道 But a lot of them didn't do that. I didn't even know.
他们会回家 They would just go home,
或许回到了威斯康星州 或者他们的家乡 maybe back to Wisconsin or wherever they were from,
还有…就是这样 and, uh... that was it.
巴瑞和凯伦 有一个奇怪、异乎寻常的优势 Barry and Karen enjoyed a strange, freakish vantage point
见证了这场流行病的肆虐 却不曾参与其中 to bear witness to the epidemic without being part of it.
（菲尔塔利 成人电影导演）
我是说 天哪 他们经营色情生意 I mean, my God! They ran a sex business.
那里是将死之人的聚集地 That was the locus of the population of the people that were dying.
没有人知道这场病是因何而起 Nobody knew what it was caused from at first,
人们避而不见 and people were avoiding each other.
我们只是搞不明白 We just didn't understand it.
（同性恋癌症）
我们害怕彼此 We were afraid of each other.
全国有超过800例患者 More than 800 cases nationwide,
然而令人惊讶的是 and yet still surprisingly few people are familiar
了解艾滋病的人少之又少 with the Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome.
从某种程度而言 究其原因 The reason for that may lie in part
或许是因为最常见受害者的特征 in the character of its most common victims,
他们是男性同性恋 频繁更换性伴侣 homosexual males who frequently change sexual partners.
我们失去了很多员工 We lost so many of our employees,
和好人 我是说真正的好人 and nice people. I mean really nice people.
才华横溢、聪明、年轻 Talented, bright, young.
这是一场真正的悲剧 It was a real, real tragedy.
在我当时认识的人中 有九成 Ninety percent of the people I knew at that time
已经不在世上了 are no longer here.
我记得巴瑞去看望 一位卧病在床的员工 I remember Barry visiting an employee who was in bed.
他们给他父母打电话说 “嘿 你们的儿子病了 We would call the parents and say, "Hey, your son is sick.
你们想不想来…” Don't you wanna come and..."
很多人只是说：“不 我不想 A lot of them would just say, "No, I don't.
我把他赶出家门了 再也不想见到他” I kicked him out. I never wanna see the guy again."
我说：“但他是你儿子啊” I'd say, "But he's your son."
我只是很惊讶 I was just so surprised
父母会对自己的孩子这么糟糕 that the parents could be so bad to their children.
我没有想过同性恋这个因素 And I didn't think about the gay part of it.
只是他们的孩子而已 It was just their children.
跟我们合作紧密 开设了那家店的员工 The employee who worked so closely with us to open that store
周五回家 went home on a Friday
周一就死了 and died on Monday.
我们一直跟他合作 直到… We were working with him until...
真的直到他去世 literally, until he passed away.
我记得 他死后 我接到他母亲的电话 And I remember taking a call from his mother after he died.
那段时间 她没跟他联系 She wasn't in touch with him during that period,
我想她感觉很糟糕 我不知道她想从我这里得到什么 and I think she was feeling bad. I don't know what she wanted from me.
但她应该去看望他的 But she should have visited him.
-那段时间非常可怕 -嗯 非常糟糕的一段时间 - It was a horrible, horrible time. - Yeah, really bad time.
我记得去店里 I remember going to the store
我问：“某某在哪里？” 他们就会说：“他刚去世” and being like, "Oh, where's so-and-so" "Oh, he just died."
对我来说 Something seemed...
这似乎是件可怕的事 like a horror about that to me,
但直到很久以后 我才明白 but I didn't understand it till much later.
我知道他们支持同性恋群体 I know they supported the gay community.
我是说 他们并没打算这么做 但还是这么做了 I mean, they didn't set out to, but they did.
他们不会让其他力量对他们指手画脚 They were not gonna let other forces tell them what to do.
从很小的程度上来说 我觉得我们所做的事 I think what we did was small, human kindnesses
是人类小小的善举 in a very small way.
（为我们的生命而战）
政府官员 经常把色情作品当作一种手段 Government officials will very often use pornography
将人们的注意力 从他们的失败举措中转移开来 as a means of deflecting attention away from their failures to do something.
（每半小时有一个艾滋病人死亡 别再阻止艾滋病治疗）
司法部长米斯 今天接受了色情作品报告 Attorney General Meese accepted the pornography report today.
淫秽是非法活动 这种东西 Obscenity, that illegal activity, it is not the kind of thing
不受《第一修正案》保护 that is subject to the protection of the First Amendment.
米斯委员会成立的时候 我经常读到 When that Meese commission was on, I would read about it all the time,
它完全在弄虚作假 and it was a totally stacked deck.
每个出庭作证的人 都是反色情作品人士 Everybody that testified was anti-pornography people.
所以结果绝对得到了保证 他们只会说色情作品不好 So, the outcome was absolutely assured. They were just gonna say it was no good.
反对者说委员会 用花费50万美元的报告来说教 Opponents say the commission is using a half-million dollar report to moralize.
政府试图通过这些严厉制裁的威胁 The government is attempting to obtain self-censorship
来实现自我审查 by the threat of these draconian sanctions.
他们有一个 可以动用数百万美元的专案组 They had a multi-million dollar task force
要多少钱就有多少钱 with all the money they needed
就为了一项使命 with one mission, you know,
那就是控制人们的阅读和观看习惯 to control people's reading and viewing habits
可以的话 他们还会控制人们的性爱习惯 and their sexual habits if they could.
要根除通过病态和淫秽活动 来牟利的动机 Isn't it about time we remove the profit motive
现在正是时候 from activities that are sick and obscene
在当时所做的一件事 One of the things you did in those days,
就是只把电影卖给认识的人 was you only sold movies to people you knew.
我们在全国范围内卖电影 So, we sold movies all over the country,
但只卖给跟我们有生意往来的公司 but only to companies we'd been dealing with.
有一天 有人打电话来订了三部电影 One day, somebody called up and ordered three films
要我们寄给宾州莱巴嫩的乔氏音像店 to, like, Joe's Video Store, in Lebanon, Pennsylvania.
我们的人在电脑里输入了他的名字 并把电影寄了出去 And our guy entered him in the computer and shipped them out.
我们不知道的是 Unbeknownst to us,
检察官开始了一项程序 the prosecutor begins this process
打击非法跨州运输成人制品 of illegal transportation of adult material over state lines.
他们进行了一次诱捕行动 They were running a sting operation.
联邦调查局来了 就像你在电视里看到的一样 The FBI comes in, like you see on television
“联邦调查局”的字样就在他们的… with FBI on their...
-外套上 字体很大 -…外套上 他们还拿着枪 - Jackets. Big letters. - ...jackets, and their guns drawn.
我们暗中购买了这些东西 We made some undercover purchases of this stuff,
与检察官协商后 and after consultation with the Prosecuting Attorney, uh,
他们给我们颁发了搜查令 they issued us a search warrant.
我们被指控运输淫秽制品 We were charged with shipping obscene material.
（大陪审团 22号证据）
很容易就会被判五年监禁 甚至更久 It easily could have been a five-year jail sentence or maybe more,
罚金也有可能非常高 and the fines could have been very, very large.
（巴瑞梅森企业有限公司 《10号录像带》经销商）
我们中有一人要进监狱 我想最好是巴瑞 One of us was gonna have to go to jail, and I thought it had better be Barry.
首席检察官召集了 一批非常虔诚的宗教人士 That lead prosecutor had put together a staff of very religious people,
他本人也极度反色情 and he himself was very anti-porn.
所以他们说巴瑞必须承认有罪 So they said Barry has to enter a guilty plea.
他必须被判有罪 而且要判重罪 He has to be convicted and made guilty of a felony.
监狱是一个人在世上 所能身处的最糟糕的地方 但… Jail is the worst place in the world you can be, but...
害怕监狱 fearing jail is...
更糟糕 even worse.
每时每刻 前景都很令人担忧 It was like a knife over our heads all the time.
我们从来没和任何人谈论这件事 We never ever talked about it with anybody.
我们的父母不知道发生了什么事 Our parents didn't know what was going on.
孩子们不知道发生了什么事 The kids didn't know what was going on.
朋友们也不知道发生了什么事 Our friends didn't know what was going on.
我感觉就像在电梯里下降一样 I felt like I was going down in an elevator
失去了内心的一切 and was losing everything that was inside of me.
你知道联邦调查局的指控吗？ Did you know about the FBI charges
我不知道起诉的事 I didn't know about the prosecution.
我想我听说过 I think I'd heard...
一卷录像带被寄到宾州 something about a video being mailed to Pennsylvania.
在我们成长的过程中 关于此事 他们完全瞒着我们 They completely hid that from us growing up.
我完全不记得自己知道这件事 I don't remember knowing about that at all.
我们完全被蒙在鼓里 因为我们是孩子 We just were completely kept in the dark because... you know, we were kids,
我们不应该靠近那些东西 and we're not supposed to be anywhere near that stuff.
所以正因为如此 So because of that,
我对生意没有太多的感情 I didn't have much of a connection to the business.
你觉得和书店有感情吗？ Did you feel any connection to the store
我觉得书店 完全是在家庭范围之外经营的 I think the store definitely operated in its own sphere outside the family,
我觉得它相当… but I think that's fairly...
有传统的因素在里面 There's a conventional element to that.
父母去上班 Parents go to work.
他们不会谈论自己经常在做什么 They don't necessarily talk about what they do all the time.
不要揉眼睛 Stop rubbing your eyes!
我认为家里陷入了一种传统的模式 I think the family at home fell into a conventional pattern.
-乔许跟你说过这点吗？ -真的吗？ - Did Josh say that to you - Really
是的 他说过 Yeah, he did.
我们都在谈论孩子、结婚和异性恋 We all talked about kids, getting married, and being straight.
没人对此提出质疑 Nobody sort of questioned it.
我想甚至我对同性恋 I think even my understanding of...
和同性恋生活的理解也是通过… um, gays and gay life was through...
通过一种奇怪的方式从生意中获得的 through the business in a strange way.
我想说 你是个好孩子 And I would like to say, you've been a pretty good kid.
我真的很喜欢当你的妈妈 I really like being your mother.
意识到自己是同性恋 Realizing I was gay
是一段漫长而模糊的时期 was a kind of long, ambiguous period.
我一直对世人保守这个秘密 I was keeping that secret from the world...
因为身为同性恋在当时是不被接受的 'cause being gay was not acceptable.
但你可曾认识或见过 But did you ever know or see people
同性恋者 比如 that just were gay, like,
你认出来了并说：“那是同性恋 and that, you know, you recognized and like, "Oh, that's gay.
-真酷 就像…” -没有 绝对没有 - That's cool. That's like a thing." - No. Definitely not.
我想我主动忽略了 I think I was kind of actively ignoring...
世上所有的同性恋问题 all the gay issues in the world...
就像我的异性恋高中朋友一样 much like my straight high school friends.
你不谈论同性恋 也不说那是什么感觉 You just didn't talk about gays or, you know, what it was like.
就像很典型的 It was very archetypal,
运动员欺负同性恋者 jocks picking on the gays.
蠢货 Idiot!
我尽我所能让自己远离同性恋的范畴 I did what I could to keep myself out of the gay category,
但我不够好 没法当异性恋 but I wasn't good enough to be heterosexual.
所以在他们看来 我是无性恋 So I was just asexual as far as they were concerned.
我给自己很大的压力 I put a lot of pressure on myself
要做一个更传统、更循规蹈矩的孩子 to be the more conventional, rule-follower child.
爸爸 准备好了吗？ You ready, Dad
哇 耶 Whoa! Yeah!
我想我用某些活动 来填补一天中所有的空白 I think I filled every available gap in the day with some sort of activity.
所以我去潜水 So I had diving,
去参加体操队 gymnastics team.
假装自己是异性恋 压力大吗？ Did you feel, like, pressure to pretend that you were straight
关于约会 我的压力很大 There was a lot of pressure towards dating.
有些孩子失去了贞操之类的 There were kids that lost their virginity and stuff like that.
我没有 Um... Not me.
你不会想到我很在意 It's just so weird to me
这一点让我觉得很奇怪 对不对？ that you wouldn't have thought that I would have cared, right
我是说 我没在意 我不会… I mean, I didn't care. I wouldn't...
我是说 反正我的世界很快乐 I mean, my world was gay anyway.
你为什么不想跳进我的世界呢？ Like, why wouldn't you have wanted to jump into my world
你的世界太快乐 Your world was too gay.
你的世界太快乐 艺术气息太浓 Your world was too gay. It was too artsy.
我与它没有共鸣 我觉得自己… I didn't connect with it. I think that was...
自己不属于那个世界 That wasn't where I was.
我觉得自己不属于那个世界 It's not where I am, I don't think.
费尔南多 你能跟我讲讲 我们是怎么认识的吗？ So, Fernando, can you tell me how we met
我们是九年级认识的 So, we met in ninth grade.
那时候 你能辨认出 At that time, you kind of recognized those people
那些按照自己的节奏生活的人 that were living to the beat of their own drum,
我想说通过 I would say, um, through...
头发、着装和音乐 you know, hair, and clothes, and music.
你是这样的人 And you were one of those people
我对朋友的一切期望 你都拥有 that had the whole package of what I was looking for in a friend,
再说一遍 就是按照自己的节奏生活的人 you know, someone that just, again, walked to the beat of their own drum.
总是在寻求关注 Always looking for attention!
格林老师 你太好了 Pssht! Oh, nice coming from you, Miss Green.
你觉得我们的朋友群 在学校被认为是同性恋团体吗？ Do you feel like our friend group identified as the queer group at school
我们并不认为自己是同性恋 We didn't really identify as queer.
在90年代 我们认为自己是怪人 艺术家、朋克摇滚者、反叛者 In the '90s, we identified as weirdos, artists, punk rockers, rebels.
这就是我们的身份 这是这点把我们团结在一起 Like, that was our identity, and that's what drew us all together.
正因如此 我们所有的朋友都愿意 That's why it was so accepting for all of our friends
探索自己的性取向 to experiment with their sexuality.
我能过来跟你一起玩电脑吗？ Can I come over and, like, hang out with your computer
好的 Okay.
你还记得我是什么时候 发现那个书店的吗？ Do you remember when I found out about the store
记得 Yes.
你说：“我父母有一家书店” You had said, "My parents own a bookstore."
我说：“他们的书店是什么样的？” And I said, "Oh, what bookstore do they own"
你就说：“他们有一家书店 You're just like, "They own a bookstore.
你可能从未听说过 叫‘书之马戏团’” You probably never heard of it. It's called Circus of Books."
我们说：“'书之马戏团'？什么？ And we were like, "Circus of Books What"
瑞秋 '书之马戏团'是一家 色情商店 ” "Rachel, Circus of Book is a porno store!"
我只记得当时很困惑 I just remember being really confused
因为这跟我对我父母的看法不一致 'cause it didn't align with who I thought my parents were.
这是一个很有意思的秘密 但同时也是一个危险的秘密 It was sort of an interesting, fun secret, but also kind of a dangerous secret,
因为我肯定可以看得出来 这很容易成为一个问题 'cause I could definitely tell it could easily be a problem.
虽然我们叛逆和早熟 As rebellious and as precocious as we were,
却依然很天真 we were still pretty innocent.
对我来说 最有趣的是 What's funny to me is that
我觉得我的父母并没有 让我的世界充满艺术家和同性恋小孩 I didn't think my parents got my world with artists and queer kids.
但他们其实跟我的圈子有交集 But they were actually intersecting with my scene
而我甚至都没有意识到这点 without me even realizing it.
嗯 感觉就像我们 看到了凯伦和巴瑞的一个方面 Yeah, it felt like we had seen Karen and Barry one way,
他们是很好的父母 有点严格 very parental and a little bit more strict.
当然没有颠覆性 知道吗？ Certainly not subversive, you know
当然不是反文化的一部分 Certainly not part of the counterculture.
但当我们意识到 他们投资“书之马戏团”时 But when we realized they were invested in Circus of Books,
我们开始明白 it started to become clear to us
你的父母比我们之前想象的更有层次 your parents were more layered than we had previously thought.
它让我们意识到 It allowed us to realize
你可以像成年人一样生活 that you can live as an adult
而不会盲从 without following the path
遵循所有人叫你走的道路 that everyone's telling you you need to follow.
（零售商店内部）
我觉得当你的父母买下这家公司时 I think that when your parents acquired their business,
他们真的不知道他们可能会面临什么 they really didn't know what they were potentially facing,
而可怕的是 谁都不可能知道 and the terrible thing about it was that nobody could know.
无法通过查看淫秽内容法规 There was no way to look at the obscenity statute
来预测某人出售的东西 and predict whether something that one was selling
是否会引发起诉 might trigger a prosecution.
我们认识做这一行生意 并且坐过牢的人 We knew people who had been in this business and had gone to jail.
但我最初的想法是 “我们只是会停业” But what I thought initially was, "We'll just go out of business,"
当我们终于 跟约翰韦斯顿坐下来的时候 and when we finally sat down with John Weston,
他说这个计划非常糟 he said that is a terrible, terrible plan.
政府总有合法但不合情理的要求 Government always wants its pound of flesh.
所以如果一开始 你们就把它关闭 So, if at the very beginning of something, you close it down,
那么能拿出来的东西就更少 then you've got less to offer.
如果毒品战争消失 If the war on drugs ever goes away,
反对毒品的所有人都会失业 all these people who fight drugs are going to lose their jobs.
反对淫秽的人也是如此 Well, it was the same thing with people who fought obscenity.
他们需要有人来谈判 They needed somebody to negotiate with,
所以建议我们不要关门大吉 and so we were advised not to close at all,
而是要继续经营和反抗 but to stay in business and fight.
我是说 政府对你穷追不舍很可怕 I mean, it's scary when the government comes after you.
它真的很强大 That is just really powerful...
而且基本上是出于宗教原因 and for basically religious reasons.
这对我来说很可怕 It's pretty scary stuff to me.
我收到政府的传讯 上面说 I got a communication from the government, saying,
“我们需要巴瑞梅森认罪” "We need Barry Mason to say, 'Guilty.'"
他必须被判有罪 而且要判重罪 He has to be convicted and made guilty of a felony.
仅从人性程度来看 巴瑞梅森应该被判重罪这个概念 Just at a human level, the idea that Barry Mason should be a felon
让人接受不了 was just unacceptable.
我是说 我不想生活在这种世界 I mean, that's just not part of any world that I'd wanna live in.
所以我恳请他们重新考虑 And so I implored them to reconsider.
看看他是怎样的一个人 To see who he was as a person,
这对他自己和他的家庭会有什么影响 and what the impact on him, and his family,
从某种程度上来说 你会怎样 and to some extent, you, would have been
如果你的父亲被迫站在法庭上 if your dad had been forced to stand up in court
并说：“是的 我有罪 我犯了联邦重罪” and say, "Yes, I'm guilty. I've committed a federal felony."
这个问题得以解决 是因为比尔克林顿当选 The reason it was resolved was that Bill Clinton got elected.
美国总统 比尔克林顿 The President of the United States, Bill Clinton.
好了 All right.
谢谢 Thank you.
所以检察官被换掉了 So, the prosecutors got switched.
人们对淫秽有了不同的态度 There was a different attitude towards obscenity,
我认为这创造了一种氛围 and I'm sure that created a climate
我要求进行重新考虑的诚挚请求 因此得以评估 which allowed my earnest request for reconsideration to be evaluated.
他们能看看到你爸身上的善良 They were able to see the fineness of your dad.
他们接受了公司的认罪答辩 They accepted the guilty plea by the corporation.
公司认罪 他们允许你获得假释 Corporation pleads guilty. They let you out on parole.
我必须每月去一次联邦大楼 I had to just go down to the Federal building once a month,
在一张小纸上签名 sign a little piece of paper
上面写着我当月没有犯罪 that said I didn't commit any crimes that month,
然后整个状况就结束了 我得以脱身 and then that ended the whole situation. I was off.
事实证明 我们在《第一修正案》中的权利 It turns out our First Amendment rights are really protected
确实受到最极端言论 和最极端材料这一点的保护 by the most extreme kind of speech and the most extreme kind of material.
任何国家都能赋予其人民的最大权利 The greatest right that any nation can afford its people
就是不受干涉的权利 is the right to be left alone.
乔许需要一个圆圆的头 Josh needs a perfectly round head.
打个招呼 Say hi.
你刚才说什么？ So what did you just say
所以在六月份 两家书店 都经历了有史以来最糟糕的一个月 So, in June, both stores had the worst month they've ever had.
而且 And...
仍然有利可赚 但无法… it's still profitable, but it's not, um...
无法持续 It's not sustainable.
在某个时刻…只是… At some point, it's just...
比如昨天 Like yesterday.
我正要离开书店 I was leaving the store,
我想出门 但出不了门 and I'm trying to get out, and I can't,
因为有人刚买了一样东西 because the man there just bought something,
他使用助行器 and he's got a walker.
他在看自己买的东西 And he's sort of looking at what he bought,
他没法开门 so he's not opening the door.
因为他使用助行器 卡在那里了 And because he's got the walker, he's stuck there.
这是我们的顾客群 他们年纪渐老 And this is our customer base. They're aging, uh...
大多是男性 mostly men...
甚至走不了路 who can barely even walk.
你要把它和谷物搅拌在一起吗？ Are you, like, mixing it in as a cereal
是的 因为不然的话 你就吃不到小块的 Yeah, 'cause otherwise, you can't eat the little pieces.
这样的话 我可以全部吃掉 This way, I can eat all the pieces.
所以我想不是商业决策的问题 So, I think instead of a business decision,
我有心理问题 因为 I have a psychology problem because...
这些年来 我一直经营这家公司 you know, I've run this business for all these years
却不知道自己在做什么 without knowing what I'm doing,
而且 and...
我需要把它关掉 I need to close it,
但我还有员工 他们将找不到好工作 如果他们… but I still got people working for me who won't get as good a job if they...
-那是奶酪 -乡村奶酪 嗯 - That's cheese. - Cottage cheese, yeah.
-如果他们… -奶酪 - If they, um... - Cheese.
…如果我们关闭的话 ...you know, if we close.
我也说不清 I don't know.
那…我也说不清 You know, that's... I don't know.
我不知道你为何觉得这值得记录下来 And I don't know why you think this is worth documenting.
因为 我是说 小型企业常会遇到这种情况 Because, I mean, this happens in small business.
这只是…这是不同的商业模式 It's just... It's a different, um, business model.
我不喜欢把这一切都拍下来 I don't like all this filming.
我不知道你会从中得到什么 I don't know what you're gonna come up with from this.
凯伦和巴瑞一直处于 Karen and Barry were in a constant state
恐慌状态 担心他们的生意会破产 of... panic about the collapse of their business.
（阿拉斯加 前雇员兼变装明星）
所以一直就像 And so, it was constantly like,
“就这样了 我们这星期关门大吉 "Oh, this is it. We're closing the doors this week.
就这样了 到此结束” This is it. This is the end."
情况总是这样 That was always the case.
所以我相信它不会关闭 So, that's why I'm sort of in disbelief about it closing.
我心里想：“它向来都濒临倒闭” I'm like, "Well, it was always about to close."
这些是推荐信 These are letters of reference.
上面写着：“他为我们工作 超过25年了 It just says, "He's worked for us for over 25 years.
如果你需要优秀、诚实 可靠和努力的员工 And if you need a good, honest, reliable, hard-working employee,
本就是这样的人” you've found him in Ben."
-很抱歉 不过是为了你好 -谢谢 - Oh, I'm so sorry, but good for you. - Thanks.
今天是我最后一天上班 我要退休了 Today is my last day. I'm retiring.
所以我想说 这有点让人郁闷 So, I'd say it's kind of a depressor,
不过是时候了 but it's time.
世上最糟糕的事就是解雇好员工 The worst thing in the world is laying off a good employee...
因为你再也请不起他们了 because you can't afford to keep them anymore.
这样做很可怕 It's a terrible thing to do.
过去一去不复返 The past will never come back.
除非你愿意投资未来 And unless you're willing to invest in the future,
否则连继续存在 there's no use even trying to...
都毫无用处 exist anymore.
“你肯定看得出来 "As I'm sure you can see,
尽管我们尽全力提高销售 但书店的生意还是每况愈下 business at the store is slowing down despite our best efforts to improve sales.
这封信旨在告诉你 This is to let you know
我已经把书店交给房产经纪人去出租 that I have listed the store for lease with a real estate agent.
欢迎提供关于新商品的任何建议 I welcome any suggestion of new merchandise
以及把这个地方用于其他目的 的任何想法” and any ideas for a different use of the space."
把它贴在定时器的旁边 Post it here by the time clock.
我看看 Let me see.
好的 所以这是… Okay, so this is...
这将要…他们会看到的 That's gonna go... They'll see it.
你能描述一下 你告诉父母自己要出柜的那一天 Can you describe that day that you came out to Mom and Dad,
是什么让你觉得 你可以对此事更为坦诚吗？ and what led you to feel that you could be more open about it
是什么让你真正觉得你应该如此？ What led you to really think that you should be
可能直到高中以后 So, it probably wasn't until after high school
我的脑海里才开始有这种想法 that it even started to enter my mind as an option.
直到上了大学 我才开始 And it wasn't really until college that I sort of started transitioning
从外在的自我转变成内心的自我 from, um, who I was outwardly towards who I felt like I was inwardly.
我好几次从大学校园回家 I came home a number of times from college
都希望出柜 但都未能做到 expecting to come out, and it didn't happen.
为了做成这件事 我给了自己很大的压力 I put a lot of pressure on myself to kind of make it happen.
我确保自己订好了机票 I made sure I had my flight...
并付了钱 booked and paid for,
因为我想我很有可能 'cause it wasn't an impossible thought
会被踢出家门 that, um, you know, I was gonna get thrown out.
是的 Yeah.
你没事吧？ Are you okay
我要不要自己给自己读问题？ Should I read the questions to myself
不用 不好意思 只是听你这样说 我很难过 No, I'm sorry. It's just upsetting to me to hear that.
周五晚餐 Friday night dinner,
就在他回哥伦比亚的学校之前 just before he was going back to school at Columbia.
他坐在餐桌的一头 He was at one end of our dining room table,
我坐在另一头 and I was at the other.
有人正在谈话 需要一张便利贴和一支笔 Someone was having a conversation that required a Post-It Note and a pen.
我开始在便利贴上涂写着 “我是同性恋” And I just started scribbling on the Post-It Note, "I'm gay."
我把笔和纸扔在桌上 I flung the pen and paper on the table.
我想看看这张纸条是谁写的 因为上面没有署名 And I'm trying to see who wrote this note, 'cause it didn't have his name on it.
他的母亲和他终于上楼去了 Finally, his mother and him went upstairs,
我说：“哇 是乔许” and I said, "Wow! It's Josh."
我说：“你确定吗？ 你为何要这样做？ I said, "Are you sure Why are you doing this
上帝一定是在惩罚我” God must be punishing me."
上帝会因为她做这样的生意而惩罚她 God would punish her for having this business,
我觉得她把此事看成了一种惩罚 and I think she was thinking this was a punishment.
在这之前 Up until that point,
它只存在于我的核心价值观之外 it had just existed somewhere outside any of my core values.
并不是… It wasn't, uh...
并不是真正需要我认真考虑的东西 It wasn't something I really needed to think very hard about.
就我而言 我接受任何同性恋者 I was fine with anybody who was gay as far as I was concerned,
但我真的没准备好 接受自己的孩子是同性恋 but I really wasn't prepared to have a gay child.
我本以为爸爸会更难过 I was actually expecting Dad to be more upset about it,
因为通常是爸爸 把同性恋儿子赶出家门 just 'cause it's usually the dad that throws the gay son out of the house.
他很…嗯 他对这件事很包容 And he was... Yeah, he was really good about it.
当他告诉我们时 我只是很惊讶 When he told us, I was just simply surprised.
我唯一有点难过的是 The only thing that I was even slightly upset about was
他一直保守着这个秘密 that he had kept it a secret,
因为这件事绝对不会对我有任何影响 because it would have made absolutely no difference to me.
他的航班是次日清晨 His plane was the next morning,
所以我们没有机会好好谈论此事 so we didn't get a chance to talk much about it.
当我们开车去机场的时候 As we were driving to the airport,
他说：“你知道的 he said, "You know...
就像男人利用女人一样 men can take advantage of other men
男人也可以利用其他男人” just as much as men can take advantage of women."
我觉得这种说法很精辟 Which I thought was actually quite astute.
妈妈入世很深 你为什么觉得 Why do you think Mom had any issue whatsoever
她会有任何问题？ when she was so deeply in this world
讽刺的是 公司的一切都是为了养家糊口 Everything about the business was really in support of family, ironically.
同性恋的部分落在了 The gay part of it fell on the business side
精神分界线属于的生意那一边 of that mental dividing line.
我从未像看待儿子那样 I never thought of my employees
看待我的员工 in the same way that I thought about my son.
我和同性恋者一起工作没有问题 I was fine working with gay people,
但是当涉及到我自己的家庭 以及我所理解的宗教信仰 but when it came to my own family and what I had absorbed in the religion,
我就有问题了 I was not fine at all.
当涉及到我自己的儿子 When it came to my own son,
我意识到我对同性恋者的 一些看法需要改变 I realized that I had some thoughts about gay people that needed to change.
我不知道他为什么没来 收垃圾的 Well, I don't know why he didn't come, the trash.
他哪天来？ What day does he come
-我想是周四 但我可以查一下 -好的 就是今天 - I think Thursdays, but I can check. - Well, that's today.
你为什么说你想在六月关门大吉？ Why were you saying that you wanna close in June
如果销售状况不佳 You know, if it's... Sales are bad.
我们要尽力留住员工 We're trying to keep our staff.
好像因为生意清淡 It seems, because the business is so slow,
他们连最起码的整理工作都不做了 they're not even doing kind of minimal straightening.
所以… So...
这里的每个人都完事了 You know, everybody's kind of done here.
所以跟这个盒子 So, goodbye...
告别吧 to this box.
如果我觉得这种生意适合任何人 You know, if I thought it was a viable business for anybody,
我就会把它拿去卖 then I would put it up for sale,
但我觉得没有人能比我们 but I don't think that anybody will be able to make it
做得更好 more than what we make it.
但可能还能撑一年什么的 But, you know, it may go another year, say, or something.
也可能不会 很难说 Or not. It's hard to know.
所以我希望你的电影已经拍完了 Which is why I wish your movie was done,
这样我也能看到结局 我喜欢这样 so I could see how it would end too. I would like that.
这说明了这行生意的状况 This is a statement about this business.
最后全都进了垃圾箱 It kind of all ended up in the dumpster.
这里 Here.
我只是觉得这有点意思 I just think it's kind of interesting.
这是一个销售…你知道的 That's, like, a sales, you know...
跟踪销售情况 It tracks it.
好的 这是2008年 Okay, so this is 2008,
经济衰退 还有互联网 which is, like, the recession and also the Internet,
然后你可以看见销售一直下降 and then you can just see it going down.
当人们开始在网上进行销售时 我们没有 When people started selling on the Internet, we didn't.
我们有一个网站 但它其实什么都没卖 We have a website, but it really doesn't sell anything.
它只是告诉人们 来我们的商店时可以买到什么东西 Well, it just tells people what we have and they come into our stores.
我想知道 随着互联网的出现 他们如何能生存下去 I've wondered how they could survive with the Internet,
因为色情业被彻底摧毁了 because porno was devastated.
你无法销售人们可以免费获得的东西 You can't sell what people can get for free.
色情作品正在互联网上挑战极限 Pornography is pushing the limits online.
互联网上的露骨色情内容越来越多 Sexually explicit material is increasingly available on the Internet.
互联网完全摧毁了我的生意 The Internet totally devastated my business.
它抢走了我的收入 It robbed me of my income.
它也可以被认为是同性恋酒吧的丧钟 It also could be considered the death knell of the gay bar,
因为你不需要再去酒吧和别人见面了 because you don't need to go to a bar anymore to meet somebody.
他们可以在网上见面 You can meet them online.
Grindr或SCRUFF Grindr or SCRUFF.
互联网在很多方面很有帮助 In a lot of ways, the Internet has helped,
因为我们不必继续活在阴影中 because we don't have to live, like, in the shadows
不必继续受到压迫和感到恐惧 and so, like, oppressed and afraid anymore.
但我也认为… But I also think it's, you know...
我是说真是糟透了 年轻一代… I mean, it just sucks that the younger generation is...
面对面交谈真的很困难 It's so hard to just talk face-to-face with one another.
它们不仅是商业场所 They weren't just places of commerce.
也是人们可以聚集一堂的地方 They were places of gathering where people could get together.
在这些地方 人们可以持有 最佳的判断力来认识对方 They were places where people could meet in all the best senses.
材料或许是交出去了 The material may be delivered,
但它不能代替人类的互动 but it's not going to be a substitute for human interaction,
就目前的情况来说 and to the extent that's what's going on,
我认为这是一个悲惨 且不可替代的损失 I think that's a tragic and irreplaceable loss.
（南加州大学图书馆“第一典藏”）
我觉得他们不想要这些刊物了 I don't think they're gonna want any of these papers.
我不知道要给他们什么了 I don't know what I'm giving them anymore.
我把这东西已经放这里很久了 It's been such a long time since I put this stuff in here.
-不过我听说过他的名字 -是的 - I've heard his name, though. - Yeah.
那些是他的一些封面 So, those are some of his covers.
他真的很不错 He was really a nice guy.
我想…如果他不进“第一典藏” You know, I would like... If he's not in ONE Archive,
我觉得他会愿意被收录进去 所以… I think he would like to be in it, so...
我想你必须在这个上面签名 I think you have to sign this.
-什么？ -赠与契据 - Oh, what - It's a deed of gift.
总得来说 就是你要赠送这些作品 Just basically saying that you're giving the materials.
-就在这里 -好的 - Right there. - Oh, okay.
如果你不想要 直接扔掉就行 因为… And if you don't want it, just throw it away, 'cause, um...
你不知道自己在和谁说话 我们从来不会扔掉何东西 You don't know who you're talking to. We never throw anything away.
但不管你有什么 我们都很高兴看一看 But whatever it is that you have, we're happy to look at it.
我想我们没有你想要的东西 I don't think we have anything you want there.
但既然我在这里 我就想看看… But as long as I'm here, I'd just like to look at...
我觉得这才是一切开始的地方 I just think this is really where it all started.
所以色情小说在哪里 或低俗小说在哪里 So, where the erotica was, or where the pulp fiction was,
他们基本会放在一个大帘子的后面 they would basically put it behind a big curtain.
所以有被警察抓到的问题 So, there was the problem of being caught by the police,
抑或也有别的问题… or there was, alternatively, the problem that...
好的问题 或许吧 the good problem, perhaps,
你可以遇到和你找相同作品的其他人 that you could meet somebody else who was looking for the same material.
所以能够得到它们 真的是一件很棒的事情 So, it was actually a really great thing to be able to go get them.
我记得去“书之马戏团”时的情景 I remember going to Circus of Books,
在那里 你可以找到像你一样的人 and it was a place where you could go and find other people like yourself.
书店达到了它的目的 The store served its purpose,
只不过… and it's just not...
它关门大吉的时候 我会很高兴 I'll be happy when it's closing.
谢谢你的捐赠 我真的很感激 Thank you for your donation. I really appreciate it.
这个嘛 只是一些东西 Well, it's just some stuff.
我觉得这很重要 比我们书店重要得多 这… This is important, I think. Much more than our store, this is...
我是说 有勇气月复一月地 把它摆放出来 I mean, the courage that it took to put these out month after month.
他们必须偷偷地进去 They had to go in secret.
你能想象一个来自 艾奥瓦州或其他地方的孩子 But can you imagine some kid in Iowa or someplace
买到一本这样的东西 心想 “天哪 我不是唯一一个” getting a copy of this and thinking, "God! I'm not the only one."
真是太棒了 It's just amazing.
应该拍一部关于这个的纪录片 Should be doing the documentary about this.
乔许出柜后 When Josh came out,
第二天早上 我们送他去机场 the next morning, we took him to the airport,
家里的规矩是 他到达宿舍后 and the rule was that when he got to his dorm,
必须打电话报说他到宿舍了 he had to call and say he got to his dorm.
所以我们等啊等 他没打电话 And so we waited and waited, and he didn't call,
最后我拿起电话 对他说 and finally, I picked up the phone, and I said to him,
“无论你是谁 "You know, no matter what you are,
依然要打电话给你妈 说你到宿舍了” you still have to call your mother and say you got to your dorm."
我更难开口谈及此事 It was much harder for me to then begin talking about it.
一年来 凯伦没有 也无法 Karen did not, could not,
告诉她的任何朋友 tell any of her friends for a year.
我坐在教堂会众当中 I was sitting there in the congregation
努力想知道 just trying to find
该如何挺过跟他之间的这场挣扎 how I was gonna get through this struggle that I had with who he was,
他是我的好儿子 my wonderful son.
他是同性恋的这个想法 在我们的宗教中完全令人无法接受 The idea that he was homosexual was an abomination in our religion.
在爸爸和我这样的婚姻里 In a marriage like Daddy's and mine,
配偶中不信教的一方 the non-religious spouse has much less trouble
比信教的一方 accepting their homosexual child
更容易接受同性恋孩子 than the religious spouse.
你为什么不放弃宗教呢？ Why didn't you ever just drop religion
这对我来说不是一个选择方案 You know, it's just not an option for me.
如果你信教 以这种方式存在于世界上 If your way of being in the world is to be religious,
接受上帝要容易得多 accepting God is just easier.
但信教并不容易 你也必须努力做到这一点 But being religious is not easy. You have to work at that, too.
我需要重新思考我的神学才能接受它 I needed to rethink my theology in order to be okay with it.
我上学习《圣经》的课程 I took Bible study classes.
“完全令人无法接受”这个词 是什么意思吗？ You know, what does the word "abomination" mean
为什么他们说这与同性恋有关？ Why do they say that in relation to homosexuality
他们在当时的背景下到底说了什么？ And what were they really saying in the context of the time
这是一个漫长的探索 接受和学习的过程 It was a long time of searching, and acceptance, and learning
有一群真正知识渊博的 思想家、领导者 that there was a really profound group of thinkers, and leaders,
和人士碰巧是同性恋 and people who happened to be gay,
他们组成了这些奇妙的 充满活力的群体 and were forming these wonderful, vibrant communities.
（告诉爸妈 父母如何从毫无头绪 变成积极分子）
我们参加了同性恋亲友会 We got involved with PFLAG,
她认识了其他有类似经历的女人 and she met other women that had similar experiences.
它叫“同性恋亲友会” It's called Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays,
是一个互助团体 and it's a support group for people
其成员是那些需要帮助 才能理解性别问题的人 who need help understanding what gender issues are.
在那之后 她真的经历了一种转变 She really went through kind of a transformation after that.
我不会不能成为他最好的母亲 I was not not gonna be his best mother that I could be.
你的孩子有他们自己的路 你不能主宰这一点 Your children have their own path, and you can't direct it.
你只能在他们前进的路上 带领他们迈出最初的几步 You can only take them the first few steps on their way.
但这当然需要很多努力才能想明白 But it sure took a lot of work to come around.
梅森夫妇最先讲述自己的故事吧 So we're gonna start with the Masons telling their story,
而你… and you...
凯伦 你可以先说吗？ 因为那次是巴瑞先说的 Would you like to go first, Karen, since Barry went first the other time
我觉得还是巴瑞先说吧 他的故事更精彩 I think let Barry go first. He has the better story.
-那可以弥补你 -这个嘛 - That'll compensate for you. - Well.
好的 那么… Okay, so...
大约15年前 About 15 years ago,
我们的儿子从纽约的大学回来 our son was coming back from college in New York.
现在我们是同性恋亲友会的大人物 Now, we're big shots in PFLAG,
我们只是跟他们说说这一点 and we just talk about it to them,
尽量让他们感觉更自在一些 try and make them feel more comfortable with it.
我完全不知道他是同性恋 毫无头绪 And I didn't have a clue that he was gay, not a clue.
我是一个训练有素的诱导者 所以我可以带领互助团体 I'm a trained facilitator, so I can lead support groups.
就对于此事反应很糟糕的人来说 I'm kind of the poster child, I think,
我想我算是代表人物 for somebody who had a really bad reaction to it.
我在他出柜那天说的每一句话 我都想收回 And I'd like to take back everything I said to him the night he came out,
但覆水难收 but it doesn't go away,
遗憾的是 我说了很多 所以我必须记住 and unfortunately, I speak a lot, so I have to remember it.
他们参加同性恋亲友会真是太棒了 Their involvement in PFLAG has been amazing.
我觉得在某个时刻 I think at some point...
妈妈说为改变而奋斗是父母的责任 Mom said that it's the parents' role to fight for change,
而孩子的职责就是 and it's the kids' role
尽可能过平凡的生活 好好做事 to have as normal a life as possible and just get on with things.
你总是觉得自己知道什么是最好的 You just always think you know what's best,
但你错了 and you're wrong.
嗯 父母 Yeah, parents, uh...
只在很短的一段时间内是聪明的 are only smart for a very small window of time.
因为他们 我对自己的真实身份很开心 I'm happy with who I am because of them.
所以… So, um...
嗯 Yeah.
我不太擅长说完自己的句子 I'm not very good at finishing my sentences.
过去的20年来 我一直帮助其他人理解和接受 I've spent the last 20 years helping other people understand and accept
他们孩子身上的性别差异 有很多性别差异 the gender variations in their children, and there are a lot of gender variations.
所有差异都是没问题的 And they're all okay,
我希望你能把这一点纳入本片 and I hope you put that in this movie.
（为所有家庭欢庆）
（为我的同性恋孙子感到骄傲）
妈 Mom!
我现在想找我的丈夫 Now I wanna find my, uh, husband
我们来拍合照 so that we get a group picture.
-好的 嗯 -你们去那边 - Okay. Yeah. - You guys will be at the end.
（庆祝洛杉矶同性恋亲友会 成立40周年）
（爱 ）
我们要拍照吗？ 你是来拍照片的吗？很好 We're taking a picture You're here to take a picture Good.
爸 把相机给我 你应该过去照相 Dad, give me the camera. You should go in.
好的 我来拍一张 Okay, I'll get one.
好了 Okay.
你组织很多人拍照 真不容易 Well, you organized a really big picture. That was hard.
我知道 不要一直给我打电话 I know, and don't keep calling me,
因为在同性恋亲友会做这种事 就好像是我的工作 'cause this is like my job at PFLAG to do this.
我没有 就这样 I'm not. That was it.
再次打招呼 Hi again!
同性恋亲友会… Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, PFLAG!
女士们、先生们 他们来了 同性恋亲友会 Forty years, ladies and gentlemen,Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays,
妈妈、爸爸、兄弟、姐妹 moms, dads, brothers, sisters,
骄傲的父母 proud parents.
你如果看了游行 If you watch the parade,
就会发现没人会得到这样的欢呼 you'll see nobody gets this kind of cheering.
只有同性恋亲友会 Just the PFLAG,
这是为了 在我们之前参与这个团体的父母 and it's for the parents who came before us,
当有人出柜的时候 除了他们 the people who were there when there was nobody standing up
没有任何人挺身支持 for the people who came out as gay.
真希望我的父母在这里 I wish my parents were here.
-爸 看 你的书店 -我知道 - Dad, look, there's your store. - I know!
巴瑞 Whoo, Barry!
（同性恋者的父母）
有奋斗才会有收获 No one has ever given us anything we haven't had to fight for.
（幸福是合法的爱）
我目睹了这个世界的很多变化 I have seen so many changes in this world.
有好 也有坏 For the better and for the worse.
（停止仇恨）
但我有希望 希望常在 But I have hope, and there is hope.
我不会用不愉快的方式来结束这一切 I'm not gonna end this on a sour note.
这是美好的方式 This is a good note,
因为人们比以往任何时候都要团结 because people are more together today than they ever have been.
（我们爱自己的LGBTQ孩子 并以他们为荣）
（上帝赐给我们同性恋孩子 ）
（我们将于8月9日周二永久关张 感谢30年的惠顾）
这是我们最后一小时营业 快点买哦 It's our last hour, so shop quick.
-最后一小时？ -对 - Last hour - Yep.
我们很快就会挂上关门大吉的牌子 We're gonna put up the closed sign pretty soon.
你或许会成为最后一名顾客 You can be the last customer maybe.
好的 Okay.
“书之马戏团”出售的 最后一件商品的所有者 Owner of the last item sold by Circus of Books.
对哦 Yeah.
我总是喜欢默默无闻 不过… Well, I always like to be anonymous, but...
如果你真的想当纯粹主义者 可以签“无名氏” Well, you could sign it "anonymous" if you really wanna be a purist.
不 在这一时刻 我很公开 No, at this point, I'm pretty public about it.
好 All right!
一直以来 巴瑞和凯伦几乎就像父母一样 Barry and Karen have always been like Mom and Dad almost.
我们总是… You know, we've always had...
-我们的替代人物 这里就像家一样 -对 - Our surrogate. Like family here. - Yeah.
-再见 凯伦 -朋友 你很棒 - Goodbye, Karen. - Bud, you're great.
谢谢 我会想你的 Thank you. I'll miss you.
你会继续做好事的 我知道你会的 Well, you're gonna go on to do good things. I know you are.
-跟你共事非常棒 -谢谢你 巴瑞 - It was great working with you. - Thank you, Barry.
-我希望一切顺利 -谢谢 - And I hope everything goes well. - Thank you.
-我要抱抱你 -哦 凯伦 - I need to give you a hug. - Oh, Karen!
-谢谢你所做的一切 -你一直很棒 - Thank you so much for everything. - You've been wonderful.
（关门大吉）
结婚并一起做生意这么长时间 It's not an easy trick to be married
不是一件容易的事 and be in business together for such a long time.
-其实非常难 -嗯 他大多数时候得乖乖听我的话 - Very hard, actually. - Yeah, he had to listen to me a lot.
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